Laid out on my beach towel embracing the cascade of the sun’s rays I have consciously enveloped myself its warmth with the hopes of leaving this water park with the very welcomed complexion of the beautiful actress Lupita Nyong’o. As the temperature tops 95 degrees I become aware that most Multiple Sclerosis patients aren’t privy to such a luxury. Deep thought compounded with honest self talk now begins to consume me leaving me with a singular question…Am I A Hypocrite?
Undoubted facts. Yes, I have multiple sclerosis. Yes, I have had major symptoms that sporadically rear their ugly heads and in one instance left me hospitalized. And yes I’m on medication that I will probably have to take for the rest of my life. But for real no frills if it weren’t for my monthly infusion treatment reminder… I’d barely know I had MS at all.
As the sun shifts I do as well so that I don’t lose its rays. The laughter of the park’s visitors fade out as I begin to internally compare my relationship with multiple sclerosis to others that are forever bonded to it as well. The thoughts of comparison can be so treacherous. Although money may be the root of all evil its branches of comparison are just as toxic that even now in this moment it’s earnestly provoking me to weigh the checks and balances of my life dealing with MS compared to others I know, seen and heard about. Although reluctant I knew it was necessary to do so if I was going to answer the question..Am I A Hypocrite?
Truthfully, where so many have lost too much because of this disease I with no amount of hubris can tell you I’ve lost nothing. My health, fitness, finances, career, relationships and well being have not been sabotaged, stolen nor sacrificed by multiple sclerosis. So who am I to talk about it? Who am I to try to be a voice in the MS community? Who am I to use this platform for my lukewarm testimony when the testimonies and experiences of true MS soldiers that battle daily with the unwarranted repercussions of this disease should be heard and shared.
Listen, no one wants to go war with someone who has never been there! Friends I tell you this, my trenches dealing with this disease is shallow compared depths of the pits some of my fellow diagnosees have, are and will encounter. They are the valiant examples of true strength and perseverance and with all humility I ask that you look to them and their stories for inspiration and encouragement. I know I will!
Am I hypocrite? Yes. But thankfully life is not about perfection it’s about progress.