As Beyonce’ would say “I got a big ego” and this couldn’t have been more true up until two years ago when I stopped posting my scores on my gym’s tracking management system called Wodify. Prior to that to say that my ego was out of control when it came to working out is an understatement. Now to be fair I was completely aware that I exhibited and possessed an attitude and a demeanor that suggested as such. So much so that I manipulatively renamed the word ego with the phrase “healthy arrogance” so that it didn’t make me feel as bad and justified the want and need to beat all the women’s scores in my gym. Unfortunately that wouldn’t nor couldn’t suffice the monster of an ego I had.
I should have known I had a problem when I began to compare my scores to top the male athletes in my gym. You see in my mind I still should be beating them in workouts because my weights were lighter and I weighed less. However, I obnoxiously forgot to factor in their age, experience and yes gender. And when that couldn’t coddle my ego enough I began internal ridicule that scolded my audacity to not be the best athlete in my gym. You see how could I not be when there were so many individuals who were physically incapable to workout at all. I was in a bad way. Matter of fact I had lost my way. I had forgotten the wellness goals I had set out for myself when I started my Crossfit journey and I needed to be reminded that I was in this thing called fitness for the long run.
So two summers ago on no specific day at no specific time I decided I would no longer post my scores. I challenged myself to rate my performance in the gym by how well I moved and how good I felt. I began to use intuitiveness and listen to my body to gauge what it needed and what it didn’t. What awed me most about this new course of action wasn’t the fact that over time my ego began to dissipate… that was to be expected. But what wasn’t anticipated was how much freedom I gained instantaneously. I was no longer controlled by Rx and Scaled. I was no longer consumed by workout times and where I fell in the Wodify depth chart after a workout. I had relinquished my 2am check-ins to Wodify to see what the workout of the day was for better uninterrupted sleep. And for the first in a long time I was happy in my fitness journey.
Egoless Crossfit. An oxymoron? Hmm …I’d beg to differ. However, I challenge any eyes reading to view it as a passage of freedom to one of the most valued relationships in your life…you and your fitness journey.